How do you begin a blog?? Do I introduce myself?
*stands up, clears throat, gives a nervous little wave*
Hello, my name is Lisa and I am a stay at home mum. I like chocolate, wine, Harry Potter and procrastinating (please do not ask me to say procrastinating, I can’t. Also, thank god for spell check) Oh, I also suffer with anxiety and in the past, have suffered with depression.
The reason for writing this is to show the world (the very small world of people that will read this) that having anxiety, depression and mental health problems is nothing to be ashamed of. I will also discuss all things mum. And just to have a little bit of fun too. Also, I’m doing this and ignoring the housework that is piling up around me. Sometimes its really hard work being a procrastinator……
The plan is post once a week covering the different times of my life – TTC, pregnancy, childbirth, life with a newborn etc.
But first, let’s go back to….
When I was first diagnosed with depression
It was August 2014, 3 months after getting married. I loved, loved, loved our wedding day, it was so special (like other people’s wedding days aren’t 🤣). But, I had been planning this day for about 2-3 years and all of a sudden, that was it. We’d had our magical day, we’d been on our brilliant honeymoon and suddenly, I was back to reality with a horrible stinking bang.
I remember going to the doctors about something unrelated and next thing I know, I’m sobbing uncontrollably on the poor nurse! She booked me an emergency appointment with the GP and from that moment, even though nothing had really changed, I felt like the whole world had changed. Suddenly, I was carrying around this terrible little secret that I didn’t want to share with anyone. I was diagnosed with depression and put on antidepressants. And it truly was a sad, sad day as it was the same day that Robin Williams took his own life.
However, from here, things did not improve. I have always suffered with anxiety, but for some reason things just took a complete nose dive. If it wasn’t for my husband I don’t know how I would have coped. So off I went to the doctors again and I was put on new tablets. I also sought out help from a therapist. You can read more about my anxiety journey here.
Living with depression
Living life with depression is hard. Even the most simple of tasks seems impossible. Getting up and going to work was hard but manageable. I could (mostly) pretend that I was someone else at work. But coming home, where I didn’t have to pretend anymore, and I could just wallow is where I had the hardest, darkest days. I would be too tired to do the housework but then I would be fed up with the house being a mess (husband did as much as he could, bless him) I would think that the house is mess and believe that to be happy I would need to a massive declutter but then the thought of all that work would be so overwhelming that I wouldn’t have the energy to do it.
And cooking dinner in the evening was a struggle. I wouldn’t have the energy to cook some nights so my husband would have to cook, or we would get a take away. So then, not eating well, causes weight gain etc…….
Through all of this me and my husband were trying for our first baby and things were not going to plan (more on this to follow next week). This definitely was not helping my low mood and the anxiety. So, we decided to take a year out of TTC and to focus on my recovery.
The road to recovery?
And life did get better. Slowly the black cloud that followed me around everywhere was lifting and I was able to keep my anxiety at bay. I was even well enough to come off of my tablets. Things were looking up.
Fast forward a few years and things are going great with regards to the depression and anxiety……..until a few weeks after the birth of my son. The anxiety came back and it came back with a vengeance.
But more on that another time. Stay tuned readers, next week we get very up close and personal talking about my TTC (trying to conceive) journey. Get ready for tmi 😉
And please do remember, if you are suffering with depression, anxiety or any other mental illness please ask for help. If you don’t feel comfortable speaking to a friend or family member, you can contact the Samaritans here.