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Where To Begin…..

by Lisa Jones
Published: Last Updated on 4 comments
Where to begin - Depression

How do you begin a blog?? Do I introduce myself?

*stands up, clears throat, gives a nervous little wave*

Hello, my name is Lisa and I am a stay at home mum. I like chocolate, wine, Harry Potter and procrastinating (please do not ask me to say procrastinating, I can’t. Also, thank god for spell check) Oh, I also suffer from anxiety and in the past, have suffered from depression.

The reason for writing this is to show the world (the small world of people that will read this) that having anxiety, depression and mental health problems is nothing to be ashamed of. I will also discuss all things mum. And just to have a little bit of fun too. Also, I’m doing this and ignoring the housework that is piling up around me. Sometimes its really hard work being a procrastinator……

I’ll be discussing a bit of everything from different times of my life on this blog – Trying to conceive, pregnancy, childbirth, life with a newborn etc.

But first, let’s go back to….

When I Was First Diagnosed With Depression

It was August 2014, 3 months after getting married. I loved, loved, loved our wedding day, it was so special (like other people’s wedding days aren’t?? 🤣). But, I had been planning this day for about 2-3 years and all of a sudden, that was it. We’d had our magical day, we’d been on our brilliant honeymoon and suddenly, I was back to reality with a horrible stinking bang.

I remember going to the doctors about something unrelated and next thing I know, I’m sobbing uncontrollably on the poor nurse! She booked me an emergency appointment with the GP and from that moment, even though nothing had really changed, I felt like the whole world had changed.

Suddenly, I was carrying around this terrible little secret that I didn’t want to share with anyone. I was diagnosed with depression and put on antidepressants. And it truly was a sad, sad day as it was the same day that Robin Williams took his own life.

However, from here things did not improve. I have always suffered from anxiety, but for some reason, things just took a complete nosedive. If it wasn’t for my husband I don’t know how I would have coped. So off I went to the doctors again and I was put on new tablets. I also sought out help from a therapist.

Living with depression

Where to begin - depression
Photo by Yuris Alhumaydy on Unsplash

Living life with depression is hard. Even the most simple of tasks seem impossible. Getting up and going to work was hard but manageable. I could (mostly) pretend that I was someone else at work.

But coming home, where I didn’t have to pretend anymore and I could just wallow is where I had the hardest, darkest moments. I would be too tired to do the housework but then I would be fed up with the house being a mess (husband did as much as he could, bless him) I would think that the house is a mess and believe that to be happy I would need to a massive declutter but then the thought of all that work would be so overwhelming that I wouldn’t have the energy to do it.

Cooking dinner in the evening was a struggle. I wouldn’t have the energy to cook some nights so my husband would have to cook, or we would get a takeaway. So then, not eating well, causes weight gain etc…….

Through all of this, my husband and I were trying for our first baby and things were not going to plan. This definitely was not helping my low mood and anxiety. So, we decided to take a year out of TTC and put all of my focus on recovery.

The road to recovery?

And life did get better. Slowly the black cloud that followed me around everywhere was lifting and I was able to keep my anxiety at bay. I was even well enough to come off of my tablets. Things were looking up.

Fast forward a few years and things are going great with regards to the depression and anxiety……..until a few weeks after the birth of my son. The anxiety came back and it came back with a vengeance.

But more on that another time. Stay tuned readers, next post we get very up close and personal talking about my TTC (trying to conceive) journey. Get ready for TMI 😉

And please do remember, if you are suffering from depression, anxiety or any other mental illness please ask for help. If you don’t feel comfortable speaking to a friend or family member, you can contact the Samaritans.

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4 comments

Lisa's Notebook 03/07/2020 - 2:55 pm

Happy blogiversary, Lisa! I’m so glad you started your blog and I agree, that first post is the hardest one ever. When I look at mine I cringe but I’m not going to delete it because we all have to start somewhere, don’t we? I’m very glad to have found your blog and I look forward to reading more about your musings and journeys in the future 🙂 Lisa x

Reply
Lisa Jones 03/07/2020 - 8:31 pm

Thank you so much Lisa! You’re making me blush 😊😊 oh I’m going to have to have a little nosey now to see if I can find it!! I went back and updated all my posts 🤓 You’re completely right about having to start somewhere! xx

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Unknown 03/07/2019 - 7:48 am

Hi LisaCongratulations on your first blog, you are braver than me. Life is a roller coaster we all have to ride. Having a baby is fantastic but exhausting, mine are adults with their own families now but still a source of stress & worry as well as delight & happiness. I will wait for the next blog & read with interest. Thank you for sharing.x

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Unknown 24/06/2019 - 10:34 pm

Hi Lisa,Starting a blog or let's face it putting yourself in the public eye is a nerve racking experience for anyone. So firstly I would like to say well done and you should be proud! Great first post. I too have had long term depression (I'm now told its chronic) so totally respect what you are doing with this. Raising kids is hard for anyone, raising kids when we experience poor mental well being us harder. I particularly loved that you pointed out that it doesn't matter how house proud you are the most menial task can be exhausting, thank you! Good luck I will be sure to tune in each week however if on the odd week you don't post please please just don't beat yourself up.we are all humans not robots and I think this is ace xxx

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