Or be a supportive boyfriend, partner, wife etc.
There are so many guides out there for pregnant women – what to expect and how they can look after themselves. But having a baby is generally a two person job (I know this isn’t always the case) so what about the dads out there? Do you know how to be a supportive husband during pregnancy?
So, I’ve decided to put together a little Survival Guide for Dads to be. I’m going to break it up into 3 separate posts:
- How to be a supportive husband during pregnancy
- How to support your partner during labour
- What life will be like in those first few weeks of being at home with a newborn
I’ve had some help on this from my husband Darren so some of this will be from my point of view and what I wish Darren had done and some of it will be from his point of view.
So, let me just start by saying being pregnant is hard fucking work! We are literally growing another human and that is not easy! That’s due to a couple of things – hormones and pregnancy symptoms. There are hundreds of different symptoms that a woman can experience during pregnancy and they are not pleasant:
- Extreme tiredness
- Aches and pains
- Sickness and nausea
- Swollen hands and feet
And this is just a short list. For a full list go to Start4Life pregnancy where ALL the possible symptoms are included – spoiler alert, it’s A LOT.
So why am I mentioning this? In all honesty, it’s for sympathy. Like I said above, growing another human is hard work. So, what can I do to help, I hear you ask? Well, I’m glad you asked! Here are some ideas for how to be a supportive husband during pregnancy.
I’m sure you’ve experienced it where one minute your partner will be fine, the next minute she’s biting your head off because you said yes in a funny way, then the next thing she’s bawling her eyes out because Big Ben has just been silenced for 4 years and now it will only ring on special occasions and London just won’t be the same….just me? Moving on.
This is because we’ve got hormones and emotions pulling us in every direction and there is nothing we can do about it. Never and I mean NEVER, say to a pregnant lady that she is being hormonal. You know we are, we know we are, but no one needs to say it.
Offer Foot/Back/Leg Rubs
Everything aches and everything swells. I cannot tell you how amazing it feels to have your little fat, swollen feet rubbed or your aching back rubbed. Don’t like feet? Tough luck, your partner is growing your child. She deserves a foot rub.
Whenever you pop to the shop make sure you pick up the latest craving. I cannot tell you how devastating it is when you go to get your latest craving out of the cupboard or fridge and it’s all gone! Pick yourself up a little treat too – but just be prepared to share it!!
Have A Bit Of Sympathy
Could you imagine going to work after being sick, having a headache and being so tired you don’t have the energy to brush your teeth? That’s that the reality for some woman when they are pregnant but they’re just expected to carry on with their day like nothing is wrong.
Make Sure That You Pack Your Hospital Bag
When I was pregnant with Little J I made sure that both our bags were packed and ready to go. Guess who didn’t? Even though I had asked Darren to pack his bag numerous times for some reason he didn’t. We ended being in the hospital for about 4 days. Seriously, please just pack your bag.
Help Around The House*
I am extremely lucky as me and Darren share the housework so this wasn’t so much of an issue for us. If your partner is normally the one to do all this consider helping out. Run the hoover round, bring some washing downstairs, do the washing up. Do you really want your pregnant partner lugging the hoover upstairs?
*Little side note here, if you’re not already helping around the house stop being so bloody lazy. Yes, you may go to work, but you both live in the house. It’s really old fashioned to expect the woman to do everything around the house so pull your finger out.
Take An Interest
You’re both in this together, so try not to just let your partner get on with everything pregnancy-related on her own. Pick out the pushchair together, choose some names you like, help organise the nursery.
An easy way to show that you are interested in the pregnancy is by downloading an app that tells you what to expect week by week. An App that Darren and I loved was Baby+. It’s free up to week 14, then after that, you’ll have to pay, but it’s only a couple of pounds.
Go To The Antenatal Classes
This one is really important. If you only do one thing on this list, make sure it’s this. The NHS offers Antenatal classes at around 30-32 weeks and they really are very helpful and informative. They’ll tell you all about how to look after your baby, what to expect in labour, you’ll talk about making your birthing plan and so much more.
Don’t Take It Personally
Please don’t take anything we say when we’re pregnant personally. We’re hormonal, tired and in pain, we don’t mean to snap and definitely don’t mean what we say when we’re hungry.
Also, if we turn you down for sex, please don’t be upset. Have another read of the symptoms above. Would you want to have sex when you feel like that?
Let me just make this clear though, just because we are pregnant, this doesn’t mean that we can be a complete bitch to you and make unreasonable demands. If you think that we’re being out of order, please don’t shout, but just let us know!
Look After Yourself
Don’t forget to look after yourself during this time as well. It’s a new and scary time for your partner, but also for you! Don’t put your needs to the side.
If you suffer from mental health issues make sure that you continue to do whatever steps you would normally take to keep well. If you need some hints and tips, read 14 Ways To Look After Your Mental Health.
Speak to friends and family with kids if you’re nervous. Ask them for their advice.
Hopefully, you’ve found this little Expectant Dad’s Survival Guide on how to be a supportive husband during pregnancy helpful and you’ve picked up a few hints and tips.
Obviously everyone is different and everyone’s experience is different but hopefully, it has given you a little insight into what you can expect during pregnancy.
Keep your eye out for the next Survival Guide for Dads to be. – How to support your partner during labour – in the next few weeks!
Featured Image by Andrea Bertozzini on Unsplash