How To Tell That You Are Ready For Children

Do you know how to tell if you are ready for children? Lucky for you I have put together a handy little guide. Enjoy!

1. You are comfortable pooping with an audience

Like, seriously, you will never be able to pee or poop in private again. You must be okay with this to proceed. Obviously, this will just be in front of your children because you have no other choice. If they’re still little, you’ll need to do it so that you can see them and know that they are safe, and if they’re older, they just follow you everywhere. If you enjoy doing this in front of people just in general you may be reading the wrong blog.

2. You don’t mind drinking cold tea and coffee

Or alternatively scalding hot drinks because you want to enjoy it before it gets too cold. You cannot win this battle. Accept it.

3. You are prepared to read the same book 870,563 times (and counting)

Your child will bring you the same 5 books to read over and over and over……and you must do the voices and have the same enthusiasm each and every time. It’s lucky that I really like the Usborne That’s not my….books, but I am struggling with The Wheels on the Bus book 😫 I can’t count the number of times I’ve had to read it. And I just don’t have the heart to hide it. Yet.

4. You can handle repeating yourself

Honestly, you will be sick of the sound of your own voice. You will repeat the same things over and over again. The current favourites are; ‘Stop touching the bin’, and ‘Stop licking the oven.’ It’s pretty much all I say all day.

5. You can deal with the same programmes playing on a loop 4x a day

Great work CBeebies. To be fair though, you will only know this if you have the TV on allll day. Which sometimes, you do just need it. No judgement here.

6. You can share food

Whatever you have will automatically become theirs. Even if they have the exact same thing in front of them, they will want yours. I have no idea why. Just ask Daz about his toast. Also, you have to be quick. If you leave anything, and I mean, anything within arms reach, it will be theirs. Again, just ask Daz about the biscuit.

7. You can handle repeating yourself

Honestly, you will be sick of the sound of your own voice. You will repeat the same things over and over again. The current favourites are; ‘Stop touching the bin’, and ‘Stop licking the oven.’ It’s pretty much all I say all day.

8. You have no problem with getting up 27 times in the night

Or probably more. They will lure you into a false sense of security and maybe sleep through for a few nights in a row but they will revert back. I think that there is a sleep regression every month until they hit 27. Years that is.

9. You can deal with snot everywhere

And it will get everywhere. Babies and children seem to constantly have runny noses. I mainly find it on my shoulder, where Baby J has come in for a hug and wiped his nose on me. But you may also become the person who will use the closest thing to hand to wipe their nose. Normally something you are wearing. Don’t judge! You’ve got to stop the snot before it runs into their mouth (shudders 🤢)

10. You can handle repeating yourself

Honestly, you will be sick of the sound of your own voice. You will repeat the same things over and over again. The current favourites are; ‘Stop touching the bin’, and ‘Stop licking the oven.’ It’s pretty much all I say all day. 😁😁

11. You can deal with crumbs after hoovering

You will hoover and approximately 0.67 seconds later your child will somehow trail crumbs absolutely everywhere, even if they don’t have anything to eat. No matter how often you hoover, there will always be crumbs so suck it up and deal with it. There are more important things in life than a well-hoovered floor.

12. Justin Fletcher (aka Mr Tumble) is your hero

Honestly, that man is E V E R Y W H E R E. And he actually is really funny and so good with all the kids. Oh god, what has happened to me??

13. You don’t mind finding food all over the house

Like on the shoe rack and your hair. Under the sofa cushions. In their toy box. Under the TV unit……

14. You are prepared for the sheer volume of fierce love that you will feel for your child

It will overwhelm you. You will want to smother your child in kisses every 3 seconds. They will do something simple, such as throw a ball or build a tower and you will honestly believe that they are the smartest, most clever child in the world (which they are). Even after Baby J has gone to bed and been a pickle all day, me and Daz will sit on the sofa and both exclaim to each other how much we love him. It really does take over you.

My Conclusion

If you are happy with all of the above then you may just be ready to have children! (Because, yeah, it’s that easy 🙄, just read my post The birds, the bees and trying to conceive) Let me know in the comments if there are any that you would add!

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Photo by Travis Grossen on Unsplash