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Nothing compares to you…

by Lisa Jones
Published: Last Updated on 2 comments
Nothing compares to you

Foreword

I’ll be completely honest, I’ve really struggled with writing this week and I’ve been putting off and putting off writing this week’s blog. Yes, I’ve been procrastinating. I knew what I wanted to write about but every time I sat down I just couldn’t get the words out in an order that would make sense to anyone and I was getting pretty annoyed at myself and I just wasn’t happy with what I had written.

So what I’ve done is taken two of my half-written draft posts and put them together and written this one as I think that they actually tie quite nicely into each other.

So here is the first part of my post…..

I’ll Be Happy When…

We make out on social media that we are happy and everything is amazing. But in real life, we’re more likely to say, ‘I’ll be happy when it’s Friday’, ‘I’ll be happy when I’m debt-free’, ‘I’ll be happy once I’ve lost a stone’, ‘I’ll be happy when it’s summer’…..and, well, you get the picture.

I realised something recently on my walk back from Sainsbury’s with Baby J. I am happy. I’ve no idea what it was at that moment (around 2 pm on a Thursday afternoon if you’re interested) but I just felt light and carefree. Then the normal thoughts of, ‘Why are you happy? You’re overweight, you have no money and you don’t even own your own house. What have you got to be happy about?’ (Maybe I need to re-read my post, being confident in your own skin, and learn how to be kinder to myself 😉😉)

‘Well’, I answered myself, ‘I’m walking back from the shop in the crisp afternoon breeze, with goodies in my shopping bag and my beautiful baby in his pushchair. I have an amazing husband who loves me, a wonderful, albeit crazy family and I’m lucky enough that I have been able to stay at home and watch my beautiful boy grow up. None of these people that love me care what size my clothes are, or how much money I have, so why does any of that matter’.

I’ll tell you why it matters…..It doesn’t!

However, since I that day I haven’t been feeling quite as happy. And this leads me on to the second part of my post…..

Comparison is the thief of Joy

I can’t remember where, but recently I read a post on social media, saying that comparison is the thief of Joy. (I don’t know who shared it, but originally it was Theodore Roosevelt who said it. Check me out, quoting famous old Presidents!) At the time it didn’t really speak to me, so I just scrolled on past.

Someone scrolling though social media on laptop and mobile phone - happy
Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash

However, a few nights later I was scrolling through Instagram and I couldn’t help but compare my life to the people’s lives that I was seeing a snapshot of. I was seeing beautiful houses, great hair, perfect bodies, clear complexions, beautiful holidays and generally lovely stuff. After a solid 30 minutes or so of scrolling, I put my phone down feeling very deflated, depressed and demoralised. I wanted all of that, why couldn’t my life look like that?

That’s when the above little quote popped into my head and honestly, at that moment I felt better.

Old habits die hard

Through all of my therapy I realised a few things (and clearly forgotten them too!) and one of them was, whenever I compare myself to other people, it depresses the hell out of me! So I had to learn how to stop, and honestly, it wasn’t easy.

As time goes on though, and I start to feel better and the depression and anxiety doesn’t pull me down, I forget about all of my training and the bad habits start creeping back in. And my biggest bad habit is comparing my life to others. So what do I get out of comparing my life to others? Absolutely nothing. It only upsets me and makes me feel bad about my life. So why do I keep doing it?

And I think that this where my two post ideas tie quite nicely into each other. I was feeling great about my life until I went onto social media and started comparing it to other peoples lives.

Now, I’m not saying that people should stop sharing their best moments onto social media because honestly, it’s lovely to see these moments, these snapshots of peoples lives. I enjoy seeing what people have been up to, places that they have travelled, days out, nights out, concerts, walks and of course, the good ole’ selfie.

But, I think that no matter how good your life is, you always think that you can be doing better. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself but don’t feel like you have to do better because of what you are seeing from other people on social media. Do it for you.

My Conclusion

I think the point that I’m trying to make is, don’t compare your life to peoples lives that you see on social media. You might not think that you have a perfect life, who’s to say that you don’t have a perfect life already? Everybody’s idea of perfect is different, so make your own perfect.

And actually, my life is perfect for me. I have an amazing husband, who is supportive, kind and generous. We have the most beautiful son, who makes me laugh every single day, and who makes me so proud I could burst, (he also drives me slightly bonkers but that’s life). I have a supportive (slightly mad) family, who I can turn to and talk about anything to. I’ve got the best friends that anyone could ask for who are, yes you guessed it, supportive and so incredible. I have a roof over my head, a car that gets me from A to B and food to fill our bellies each night. I’m able to watch my son grow every day and take him out to playgroups.

And that’s my perfect. What’s yours? Let me know in the comments.

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Featured image by Alisa Anton on Unsplash

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2 comments

Maja 03/11/2019 - 9:08 pm

I loved this! My 8 year old is really struggling with it right now… Neeva can do pull-ups, and I can’t, Neeva has more friends than me, blah blah blah. I am going to tell her about that quote; of course I had heard heard it before, but had completely forgotten about it (as I am apt to do). But is particularly apropos for what Eloise is dealing with, so thanks for posting this blog. ❤️Regarding social media… I know that I have about a 10 minute consumption point for instagram and then I have to put it away. I think that quote can be modernized to say Instagram is the new thief of joy! It’s the visual aspect that gets me. It’s just too much!

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Lisa Jones 03/11/2019 - 9:34 pm

Hi Maja, Thank you for your comment. I’m sorry to hear that your 8 yr old is struggling. Fingers crossed the quote does help her.

With regards to social media, the 10 minute time limit is a great idea, I think that I’m going to have to implement that! Its just too easy to get consumed with all the pretty pictures and lose yourself. Lisa xx

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